The Old Granny

After church today, Gabe & I went to the Delaware flea market. We got there too late, nearly everyone was gone. He was thrilled to find a pocket knife for a buck. On the way home we stopped at a yard sale. An old woman had bought two bar stools and was struggling to fit them in her car. I offered to take them to her house. Gabe was in the passenger seat like, mom, seriously.. (I already had six chairs and two stools of my own I had purchased). I said "oh it'll be FINE, Gabers, now hold this!" I loaded up and followed at her "MAJOR GRANNY PACE" (Gabe's words). We pull in and he says "please do not stay for lunch. Please."

"What if she has noodles?"

"MOM" 

I unload and take it to her, she shuffles to meet me half way, offers to give me something, (noodles crossed my mind, I look back) said no thank you, and returned to my car. We watched her and she seemed to be struggling to get them into her house.

Gabe, whose initial reaction to our delivery service was typical of a ten year old boy. Now worried, scolded me, saying "MOM look at her! You can't just LEAVE HER. She needs help getting them in.." As he reached for his door handle, I stopped him, explaining she probably walked out to meet me because she didn't want a stranger coming into her house. We watched her drag it in..and that was the end of that, back to talking about how disappointing the flea market had been. 

During prayers tonight (I always pray God will put someone in our life tomorrow we can bless. It's routine and I figure if I pray it enough it will stick in his thick Woken head.) he says, "mom, the granny..she was the one we blessed."

"Yep, the granny was the one today, Gabe."

 My heart was beyond full at that point. He realized. He listens. He knew. Thank you, I know that was You. 

Then..he says "too bad you nearly killed her making drag'em in by herself." 😳

Huh.  #babysteps

The Joy of Motherhood

Left the house at 8am today. After about the TEN THOUSANDTH DAY of insanity, sanding, painting, hauling, buying, returning, BLAH BLAH BLAH! I walked in the house tonight around 8:30. Usual speech, wash hands, face, teeth. Gavin I love you but you stink & you've been at basketball & the skating rink so please take a shower.
I look at the counter, breakfast dishes from this morning.. ::sigh:: crockpot on the counter, set for seven hours..that was five hours ago. Fail.
I throw the armload of crap I hauled in from the car on the couch (only because it fell out as I opened the door).
Walk into the bathroom and suddenly recall hearing one of my delightful offspring scream something at 7:45 this morning. What was it? Oh yes, that's right "MOM THE TOILETS CLOGGED" Huh. Well. My oh my..there's crap all over. Super. That's just...freakin AWESOME. ::sigh:: Immediately, I reach for my pocket, my keys. Yes, I'll just leave. Nobody will notice I'm gone. Until they see the POOP ON THE FLOOR. I feel a little tear.. immediately the voice in my head says in my funny tone "praise Him in the hard times praise Him in the hard times praise Him in the REALLY SUCKY TIMES" ::sigh::
Fine. I start cleaning up the joy left for me.. I stop when I hear Ava say something. I look over and ask "what..did you say? I was PRAISING, REAL HARD"
"I said I am NEVER GONNA be a mom! Because that's GROSS!"
Huh. lol "yep it's disgusting.."
"Are you gonna barf?"
"It's quite possible, do you intend to watch?"
"I'm outta here."
#thejoyofmotherhood

We shared a moment ❤

There are days when I look at my life and think, huh..I've really got this motherhood thing figured out. Like, after twelve and a half years, I'm GOOD at it. Like, oh..we should call Betsy, SHE'LL know; she's a GREAT mom.

Then, there are days like today. Gavin walks inside and says "mom, you need to beat them! They're outside jumping and yelling at the neighbor."
"What are they yelling?"
"Oh idk something like, you have a small truck but you should have a big truck LIKE YOUR BUTTcrack."
I start laughing hysterically.
"MOM, it's not funny! It's embarrassing!"

Then I realize it's 7:30, I failed to go to the grocery store..a swig of milk left, no bread for lunches tomorrow..well crap. Oh man, and I didn't do laundry this weekend..no uniforms clean..I'm exhausted..SERIOUSLY. I suck at this. ::sigh::

And then this happens: I get two of the three in bed, and I get a text for Gavin. He calls his friend to talk. I overhear him, okay I was around the corner listening. judge me..whatever.
I hear him say, don't worry about it, man, just forgive them. They don't know what they're talking about. You should invite them to youth group on Wednesdays. Let them learn about God that way. They'll see.
I feel tears well up and begin to overflow.. I AM GOOD at this. YES! Right then I hear him walking down the hall and do the MOST amazing dive, like four feet, into my bed and freeze. As if I've been there the entire time. Trying not to pant so I'm holding my breath, beginning to sweat.
He hands me my phone, "so everything cool?"
"Yeah mom" biggest, longest hug I've gotten IN MONTHS from this boy. My eyes fill. With his head on my shoulder, he says "thanks for the privacy"
"What?"
"Really, mom?" Busted.
"I'm really proud of you Gavin Woken."
"So can I have my phone back?"
"Not a chance fancy pants; go to bed. I love you."

Bats ARE sneaky...

I remember when I was in the second grade we lived in an old farm house. After I went to bed I was convinced there was A BAT. IN my bed. I think we must have had bats around or something..being country folk' ya know..I don't know..
I cried. and cried. and cried. until my mom finally came in, stripped my bed, and found.. absolutely. nothing. I KNEW it was just hiding though. Bats are sneaky.

I don't know what happened from there, I don't remember. But I'm pretty sure I went to sleep like the perfect little angel I am.
So this brings me to tonight.. pee, teeth, prayers, and Ava suddenly LASSOS Skully and insists "I NEEEED him to sleep with me because there's a noise in my closet!!!"

uh huh..a noise. I'm fine with this (I know he'll run for the hills the second she releases her death grip) so I go with it. He ran, as expected. she cried. and cried. and cried.
I go in, "what's the problem, honey? You know he doesn't like to sleep in here. Once he grows up, maybe..I love you, stop crying, go to sleep" I leave.

she cries. and cries. and cries. I consider leashing the dog to her stinkin' bed, but I think about it. All I can picture is the crying..from BOTH of them. So I don't.
Sigh...instead, I go in, open the closet, turn on the light, and pull every stinkin' thing. out of that ridiculously deep closet. I walk in it, dance around like a fool, ask her..does this look scary (putting a tutu on my head) she just looks at me well..like I'm a fool. AlRIGHTY then! I put it all back thinking to myself, THIS IS NOT the closet of a minimalist. I have GOT to get rid of this crap. Tuck her in, kiss her, I love you, exit the room. and now, she's sleeping like the perfect little angel that she is.
All I can think about now, it that it was probably. A BAT. Bats ARE sneaky after all, yep..bet it was JUST hiding... ::smh::

"GET UP FATTY"

Twenty-five steps into my run today, my ankle gives out. In the slowest motion..Seinfeld episode..EVER, I begin to collapse forward. FIFTEEN feet later..I'm STILL COLLAPSING.. was I falling? ..I do not. even. know.

Of course, I'm heading directly into a trainer and his client, who I realize at some point, is wearing ZEBRA LEGGINGS. WTH was she thinking?! Our eyes met on one of my glances up, or was it down.. again, I do not even know. The look on their faces however, made me very aware that my actions would not FALL under the graceful category. At some point I decided to land toward the wall instead of mid-track to avoid being pummeled by other runners. (Self protection, I just watched The Blindside..always thinking)

Once the performance came to an end, I casually look up and nod "what's up? My ankle gave out, I didn't rehearse that, not even once."

The large bald trainer says "Do you need me to carry you? They have ice at the desk."

Hmmm..well now..I play this out in my head..carried down three flights of steps, in front of hundreds of people.. my internal dialogue says something like 'GET UP FATTY, you didn't FALL DOWN walking into Bob Evans did ya'?!'

With the brush of my hand, "I've got this".

I get up and do some fancy foot stretch, trying to look like I have SOME clue as to what I'm doing and didn't arrive at the gym after a morning of MIMOSAS! I proceed to run the UGLIEST 3.1 miles EVER, making it a point on my thirty-eight laps to never. make eye contact. with anyone..but ESPECIALLY Mr. Trainer and his zebra legginged client.

Raising ME

"Ava you have a dress down day tomorrow, you should go lay your clothes out so we don't have any 'issues' in the morning."

"Mom, I already know I'm wearing my I <3 Vampires T-shirt and comfy pants with the tiny hole in the knee."

"You'll have to pick different pants; you can't wear holey pants to school. It's the against their rules."

::she gives me the look::
"MOM ::rolls eyes:: it's NOT LIKE it matters. It's JUST one rule..I mean LOOK at my arm, she pulls up the sleeve of her Green Day shirt, I have tattoos all over my arm. THAT's against the rules, right? I've had them ALL WEEK, she says proudly. Mommy you don't have to follow EVERY single rule for goodness sakes!"

Her words immediately take me back to last weekend. Faced with two choices while attending..an event..enter through the front door and buy a ticket.... OR walk in the back door like you OWN the place. After convincing my company that "we'd be JUST FINE going in the back..don't be such a rule follower..blah blah.." lol
It's taken Ava's words tonight, to make me realize...I'm raising ....ME!! God help me...

Just a kid...

Today my boy turns eleven. Of course he's been gone for a week at camp so I'm extra emotional over this. I can't wait to see him later today. I'm trying NOT to have high expectations about the reunion, you know, one of those scenes from TV where the boy gets off the bus and jumps into his sobbing mother's arms.
No question it'll play out more like this: Gavin exits the bus, I'm winded from speeding there ...because I was late. Bus doors open, he walks off behind some group of sleazy girls who were only there to take advantage of my baby (chill OUT.. joking, kinda' *take note of last year. lol) he sees me and gives me the chin up greeting, sup.. Yeah, he'll still hug me, but not nearly as long as I'll hug him. I'll take it though. I'll do my best to remember he hasn't slept for five nights, drank nothing but pop and had candy for every meal..sure to be withdraw for days.

I've watched Gavin take to every sport he possibly could..excelling at each. Even if he's unsure, as in skateboarding. He sets his mind to it and gives it a shot. A lot of this determination is arrogance. He has a HUGE problem with his little brother being better than him at anything, he rarely lets this happen.

This year he'll take on tackle football, this scares me. He's completely obsessed with all sports. If it's been on the ESPN ticker, he commits it to memory. He knows the names of players, high schools and colleges they've attended, when they were signed or drafted.


I just think, HOW do you know this? Weren't you just my baby boy running around my feet? He knows things, I didn't teach him.. this has been a wake up call to me. He's becoming his own person.

He's now started playing the guitar..of course, it seems to come easily to him, another gift.
Gavin's goal in life seems to be to entertain, take note of the rough year in school;-) The thing is, my boy IS FUNNY. He has the sense of humor of someone twice his age. There are times he'll say things and I think to myself, THAT was GOOD! OMG, THAT was so me..the only problem here is he doesn't always know when to turn it off. Kind of..well, like me. I pray that will come with maturity, idk..I'm still waiting. Lol

As I think back trying to come up with the special moments we've shared, they seem to have gotten less and less over the past year. Adolescents? I hope.
Man oh man that boy can push every button I have, and then just SIT on it! Lol..it's a mutual feeling, I know this. Gavin and I are so much alike it's CRAZY. I try and remind myself of this everyday, hoping to make the constant battling between us a little more understandable.

Being the oldest I expect more than I should of him, I tell him this..he says 'Mom! I'm JUST a kid!' In the next breath he NEEDS an iPHONE & doesn't understand WHY I can't see that he's not a kid anyMORE!' He wants $80 shoes and expects the freedom of a seventeen year old; it's just not gonna' happen.

I have witnessed Gavin step up over the past months, he's had a lot to deal with. He's taken on more responsibility.. mowing, breaking up fights when he would normally join in, a tough year at school..it's been a trying year for him.
Gavin is a leader and a natural athlete, he's an excellent student that doesn't have to put a lot of effort into his studying. I pray he realizes this and uses his ability in a positive light. I am so proud of him.

I listen to some moms talk about what a JOY their adolescent son is, how they take nature walks, hand in hand, picking daisies along the way..
I think to myself, WTH are you drinking for breakfast a vodka Valium LATTÉ and send it my way honey because we're lucky if we both make it to eight A.M. without tears!
I think back to the dozens of people who told me, 'oh don't worry, boys are hard in the early years but they get easier as they get older.' Somebody please fill me in as to WHEN I should begin to look for this change. lol

What I do know, the past eleven years went by so fast; this makes me sad. I think of the time I missed with him while focused on crap that doesn't make a bit of difference today; I'll try harder, as to not miss more.

I can imagine on June 22, 2013, I'll be writing about hormones..more attitude.. and the young man Gavin is becoming. No doubt it's going to be another tough year for him. I love this boy so much it makes me crazy. HE makes me crazy...and I would be absolutely LOST without him... Happy Birthday Gavin, I love you.